So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
