No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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