dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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