Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize