is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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