I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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