these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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