so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
