Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
