these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
