dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My bed smells like the plague
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
