we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
