woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
