Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
