morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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