when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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