good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
