just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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