youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
one might say we're banned from that church
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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