Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
