My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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