i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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