Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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