I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want a musical about memes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
