i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
