Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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