whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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