Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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