Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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