At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
