420 ftw
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
