The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
