Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
even my farts smell like vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
