thus making me awesome and them whores
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
