on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
