This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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