Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
