i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
