so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
