she was so not down for the gang bang
Dignity is for republicans.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
