Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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