good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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