Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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