I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This baby is an asshole
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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