so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
