hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
