a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
