i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
