I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize