can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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