Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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