mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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