Jerry, you need to find god
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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