theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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