i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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