it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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