Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My penis needs a shock collar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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