OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
