So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
