is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
