Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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