take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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