brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
