The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
