I wanna bring you to show and tell
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
