Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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