We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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